How do I control my anger?
Why do I need to be able to control my anger?
There is a growing body of evidence that if you do not learn to manage your anger effectively it could effect you in the following ways:
It could destroy your relationships with family and friends and at work
It could get you into trouble with the law through violence or road rage
It could get you fired from your job
It can lead to serious health problems and even death
It can wear you out and make you miserable and lonely
#Tip number 1-If you get angry don't stay angry
Holding onto your anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone
You are the one getting burned
Is your anger a problem?
Hidden or surpressed anger
The two main reasons why people stay angry
The number one reason why people hold onto their problem anger is because they are not prepared to forgive someone for what thay have done or said.
The second reason is because they are not willing to forgive themselves
Why should I let myself or someone else off?
We tend to say:
"Why should I forgive them? OR Why should I forgive myself? What I/they did was WRONG!"
Most people have a hard time forgiving others simply because they have a wrong understanding of what forgiveness is! When you forgive someone or yourself, it does not mean that you are saying that what you/he or she has done is “RIGHT!” or "O.K."
To forgive yourself or them means that you refuse to carry painful and destructive grudges around with you for the rest of your life! You are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong or of you doing something wrong or bad.
You are giving yourself some immediate relief from your OWN anger!
You are not doing it for their sake. You are doing it for yourself.
Are you ready to let yourself or someone else off so that you can live a happy and fulfilled life?
I can tell you from my considerable experience and knowledge in this area that if you are not then things will only get worse.
If you want to but don't know how to I can certainly help you with that.
If we cannot forgive ourselves or others we will probably carry around inside of us the kind of anger that can poison our relationship with our friends and loved ones. It completely spoils our relationship with ourselves! If we keep doing this it will get bigger and harder to cope with until it feels like a part of us.
This is the thinking that can make our own lives stressful, mean and miserable instead of happy and full.
4 things you can do to help you with your anger
1. Eat the right foods
The researchers recorded the number and type of offences each of the prisoners committed in the nine months before they received the pills and in the nine months during the trial.
They found that the group which received the supplements committed 25% fewer offences than those who had been given the placebo.
The greatest reduction was for serious offences, including violence which fell by 40%. There was no such reduction for those on the dummy pills.
As anger is a major factor in violent and aggressive actions the research suggests that diet is an important factor in anger control.
If you are serious about taking control of your anger then eating healthy food is extremely important.
Research carried out in prisons showed that prisoners diets affected the levels of conflict and violence that occured.
Half of the men received pills containing vitamins, minerals and essential fatty acids. The other half received placebo or dummy pills.
3. Learn to relax
Many people who have anger problems find it incredibly difficult to relax. Anger creates a continuous stress state in the body, which can become addictive.
The best way to truly relax is to meditate and I would highly recommend you spend at least 5-10 minutes each day trying to do this. All you have to do is find a quiet room, sit up straight in a comfortable chair and focus on your breathing. Say so on the in breath and hum on the out breath. You will find your thoughts drifting off but don't worry, just notice it and then come back to your breathing
Relaxation Exercise - To release tension and refocus attention
Focus on your breathing. Try to slow it down and take four breaths in and out.
Now squeeze you hands into fists as hard as you can and count to four slowly whilst squeezing and then let the tension go from your fists as slowly as you can as you relax them again.
Take four breaths in and out like before.
Do exactly the same thing again but this time you are only squeezing your hands into a fist with a medium of pressure.
Take four breaths in and out like before.
Finally very gently sqeeze your hands into a fist and let go this tiny amount of tension slowly like before.
Take four breaths in and out like before.
If you notice that you feel tense or angry do this as soon as you can. I would recommend you do it in the morning and before you go to bed as a matter of routine.
2. Talk to someone about your angry feelings
If you can talk to someone in the family or even a close friend about how you are feeling that is a healthy way of managing your anger. Often just talking about how you feel can help. Don't forget someone close to you would rather you talk about your anger than be on the receiving end of it.
If you do not have anyone you can talk to or find it difficult to share your feelings for what ever reason then it is time to consider speaking to a professional counsellor with experience in this field. Joining a group can also be helpful.
1. Learn how to release you anger using EFT
I have been working as a counsellor & psychotherapist for over fifteen years and I have never come across a tool that is so effective at releasing problem anger. Even better EFT is simple to learn and can then be used to release anger when it occurs without the need for a therapist.
Remember I said that you need to either let yourself off or someone else or things will never change and you will carry your anger until it completely destroys you or your life. Well EFT is also the best tool I have come across for helping you with that too.
What is EFT?
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) or as it is more often known, "Tapping" is a new form of psychotherapy that combines two simple processes.
Firstly you focus on what it is that is causing you a problem and then, using your finger tips, you tap on certain accupressure points around the face and torso. This combination of targeting the problem and tapping on these accupressure points has the effect of releasing for example in this case, the feeling of anger.
If you would like to learn more about how EFT could help you to release your anger look out for my upcoming e-book on this site called "How to release your anger quickly and easily".
Can you help me?
The Brooks Guide to Anger management
Many people believe that anger is a normal healthy human emotion that is necessary for our survival. Early on in human existance the world was a constant and real threat and we needed to be able to respond appropriately by fighting for our survival. The world is a very different place now and we do not need this response nearly as often yet it is sparked regularly.
Anger is a problem for us when it either becomes enormous in size and strength so we are unable to control it or it happens regularly, or even worse a combination of both.
If you would like to find out if your anger is a problem why not take the anger test by clicking here.
Many of us already know if our anger is a problem but for lots of people this is not as obvious as it should be
because we tend to hide our anger from ourselves and others so we don't have to feel it or react to it either because it is not safe or we are afraid what we might do.
There is now lots of evidence to show that if you surpress or hide your anger it can lead to depression or even physical symptoms like back pain, stomach pain or migraine.
So how do I know if I am doing this?
If you would like to find out if you may be carrying anger that you are not aware of click here
I am an accredited counsellor & psychotherapist and an advanced EFT practitioner, trained by one of only twenty nine masters in the world, Tania Prince. I have over fifteen years experience working with hundreds of people with anger problems. I have also published research in a leading International journal on anger management.
This experience and and training has helped me to create a powerful and effective approach to working with problem anger.
Now through the wonders of technology you can get face to face therapy just like you were in the room with me using skype. If you are interested in learning more about skype please click here.